I haven’t written much lately. For a few years my writing has been sporadic at best. Not for lack of anything to say, actually the opposite. Sometimes I feel like I have so much to express that the words get all tangled and twisted around in my head and I don’t even know how to put them in some sort of form that makes rational sense to the rest of the world. Maybe some fragments the lives we lead are simply meant to be experienced and understood by us alone. I have been allowing time for that.
But over the past couple of years in particular I’ve been on sort of personal journey; a journey that has been slowly changing me – mostly in good ways. Some days I look at myself in the mirror and still see the same woman I was years ago, and yet so much inside isn’t the same at all. I see and feel life differently. Maybe it’s the natural maturity that comes with age, maybe it’s loss, maybe it’s the way that we make mistakes and then grow and learn from them, maybe it’s grace. I think it’s a combination of them all.
Still though, for me – mostly it’s been grace.
I saw it
I felt it
I breathed it in
I experienced it
I received it
I lived it.
Grace changes everything – mostly it changed me.
I don’t see anything the same as before.
Grace made everything more beautiful
When the tender flow of grace entwines itself around the complexities of our souls – everything in life beams with more color, dances with more rhythm and sings out more beautifully than before.
Things we deemed important suddenly lose their luster while things we never noticed before cause us to pause with delight and wonder.
This grace isn’t only the first grace that came when perfect blood was spilled out to redeem fallen man,
but the again grace born out of that first grace.
The grace that comes when it’s no longer just a concept based on family faith
But the kind that comes to us again in human form, the kind that we can taste and see and touch and feel
The grace that pursues us when we are running away
That comes to us when we are the most unloveable
The grace that embraces us when we’ve ruined everything
That picks us up, cleanses us and takes us back again as if nothing had ever gone wrong.
The grace that chooses mercy over justice.
If you had been given a priceless heirloom diamond ring that meant everything to you, and one day it happened to slip off of your finger and into the mud – you wouldn’t just look down at it and say to yourself, “Oh well, it’s ruined now and walk away.” But rather you would bend down, pick it up, clean it up again and slip the ring back on your finger as if it had been before. That is what grace does. ~Anthony Rowell
I heard it in his words, saw it in his eyes and felt it in his tender embrace.
In my unfaithfulness and my running the other way, those were the exact words of truth that would stop me in my tracks, turn me around, change my heart
And eventually my life.
I literally can’t get over it.
It became my priceless gift that I am compelled to give out to others, over and over again without end.
That was the tangible again grace that set my heart and then entire life on a new journey.
One marked by truth tangled up with grace.
This is the stuff that a free life is made of.
Grace is where the journey begins.